Beyonce admits bad singing.
2006-08-08 18:42:26 - Chris Andrews

"It's true, I really do sound that bad" admitted Beyonce Knowles in an underground interview last week. So those bum notes aren't the results of millions of dollars of studio time? "No, the producers plead with me, saying that can do so much to actually make it sound like I can sing, but I won't let them". The buttons on the radio at Celebrity Treadmill are almost worn out changing channels every time she comes on. Perhaps she should heed the producer's comments...

Tags: beyonce beyonce knowles destinys child

Good job I love you
2006-07-19 17:43:13 - Lucy

"Good job I love you" Mrs Bruce was heard to say as her pomeranium repeatedly sprang 6 feet in air.

Tags: bruce

Nick Nolte in fan upset
2006-08-07 06:34:47 - Chris Andrews

The aircon went in Nick's luxury apartment last week and since then he's had to buy a string of electric fans to keep himself cool. (Man). The problem is that they keep burning out. "You just gotta keep them running all day, but then you're just adding to the heat and the damn things almost melt". Don't worry "Nick always finds a solution", Nick was heard to say in the first person.

Tags: nick nolte

Sarah Connors self defense
2007-05-12 21:45:12 - Chris Andrews

German singer Sarah Connor had to take yet another break from the recording of her self titled album to fend off yet more robots from the future. "It's getting boring now" she exclaimed, "why they have to work through all the Sarah Connors in the phonebook I'll never know". Due to budget cuts, the Terminator machines are getting easier and easier. "The last one kept stopping each time I hit my TV remote, so now I've got his doing the dishes for me".

Tags: sarah connor terminator

Dustin Hoffman is batty
2006-09-23 17:17:12 - Chris Andrews

Dustin Hoffman likes wombats so much that he's applied for a license to keep them from the city council. "I dunno what it is about them" he adds "But I just need them around me at all times". A spokesmen for the council hinted that the application would be rejected before going to appeal.

Tags: dustin hoffman wombats